Posted 2007-02-20 9:56 PM (#55938) Subject: How do I tell a friend her horses are too thin?
Veteran
Posts: 209 Location: pensacola, fl
I have a friend that I haven't seen in a while. Usually her horses look great but today I stopped by and she was upset over just losing one of her horses. We walked to her barn and I almost fell to my knees, her horses are pitiful!! She pointed at on that I remember being stocky and said "all I have to do is look at that one and he gains weight" I could see every bone in the poor horses body, he is skin and bones. SO I said " wow your really having a hard time getting these guys to gain weight aren't you and she seemed a little offended. What should I do?
Posted 2007-02-20 10:38 PM (#55939 - in reply to #55938) Subject: RE: How do I tell a friend her horses are too thin?
Elite Veteran
Posts: 644 Location: Odenville, Alabama
Now is the time to be a "friend" to her horses. Point out the fact that you can count ribs, ask her why they look thin and remind her of their past "stocky" builds. Perhaps she is in some kind of financial stress that isn't allowing her to buy feed for her horses. Friend or no friend, I'd make it a point to look out after those horses. Would you have a problem poking fun at a "fat" horse she owns? Most people don't have trouble announcing that a friend has a fat horse, but can't bring themselves to address the issues of a skinny horse. If she is the least bit a "horse woman", I find it hard to believe that she can't count ribs too. Bring it up before it gets too bad!
Posted 2007-02-20 11:00 PM (#55942 - in reply to #55938) Subject: RE: How do I tell a friend her horses are too thin?
Location: KY
N2 is right; which you already knew because you asked.....and you don't want to be rude or offend; but sometimes it's the only way; just try to be diplomatic.....which is going to be difficult. Did you see any hay or feed around? Maybe she needs a hay supplier....if you have a name, write it down and give it to her. And if all else fails, call your Sheriff and talk to a deputy about the situation and maybe they will go by and have a talk with her. My heartfelt best wishes to you and those horses. And let us know how it goes.
Posted 2007-02-21 6:30 AM (#55952 - in reply to #55938) Subject: RE: How do I tell a friend her horses are too thin?
Expert
Posts: 1416 Location: sc
your definition of "friend" must be different than mine. if i had a "friend" with horses in the condition you described that "friend" would get an ass chewing.
Posted 2007-02-21 7:28 AM (#55955 - in reply to #55938) Subject: RE: How do I tell a friend her horses are too thin?
Veteran
Posts: 209 Location: pensacola, fl
Well Chad,
In a way your right!! If my horses looked like hers I would want someone to wake me up (chew my ass). But the reason I haven't seen her in a while is because of a huge falling out between us. (a mutual person running their mouths) anyway, the smoke had started to clear and she called me out of the blue to tell me one of her horses had to be put down,so I gave it a week or so and then stopped in to see her, she was crying because of losing the one horse.
When we went to the barn there was plenty of hay, matter of fact, she threw them some while we were out there, one horse had a horrible eye infection and was pitifully skinny, and the other had no hair on his butt and was also skinny. I gave her the # to my vet. She did mention that her financial situation was rocky but that she was making it. Well, I went back by later (my daughter had stayed to play with her daughter) to pick up my daughter and the vet was pulling in. Not my vet and not a vet that I would have called but at least it was someone with some experise that maybe will help. Thanks for your replies and I am gonna stay on top of this. By the way, I did find out that someone had called the animal shelter on her and when they showed up she told them that the horses are REAL OLD. and so they left. The horses are in their 20's but I have a horse in his 30's and he is 3 X's the size of these guys. Although I don't want to lose her as a friend, if I can't help these horses in a nice calm friendly manner , I will jepordize the friendship!! I think in the end she will come to appreciate my effort.
Posted 2007-02-21 7:54 AM (#55957 - in reply to #55938) Subject: RE: How do I tell a friend her horses are too thin?
Elite Veteran
Posts: 644 Location: Odenville, Alabama
I can imagine this is going to be tough on you as well as her. No hair on butt? sounds like major worm infestation. I too have old horses, although you'd never tell it by their appearance other than the gray hairs. Perhaps you could offer to "help" her out around the barn and turn things around. The bottom line is this . .. It's all about the horses!
Posted 2007-02-21 6:49 PM (#56016 - in reply to #55938) Subject: RE: How do I tell a friend her horses are too thin?
Veteran
Posts: 127 Location: PA
In this case the well being of the horses will have to come first.....and I applaud your quick reasoning on not jumping to any conclusions or giving her a chewing out.
At least she called a vet..... that is a start. Be a good friend to her and her horses....if she isn't too far away, maybe offer to feed her horses a couple of days/nights a week?
If you can't turn it around by trying to help her then I would help the horses by calling the Humane Society. Good luck
Posted 2007-02-22 12:52 AM (#56032 - in reply to #55938) Subject: RE: How do I tell a friend her horses are too thin?
Expert
Posts: 1989 Location: South Central OK
Tell her she needs to do something and fast. I always like my Geritol crew to be a little chubby, it makes me know I have some wiggle room before things get critical with their weight.
Posted 2007-02-22 6:04 PM (#56081 - in reply to #56032) Subject: RE: How do I tell a friend her horses are too thin?
Expert
Posts: 1871 Location: NY
your friend sound like she is going though a depration her self .sometime that is way the person dose not see the whole picutre. ask her how her life is first boy friend/husband ect that is sometime the best place to state good luck
Posted 2007-02-23 4:57 AM (#56108 - in reply to #55938) Subject: RE: How do I tell a friend her horses are too thin?
Regular
Posts: 80 Location: Grabiteville,sc
This may sound weird but sometimes when peopeare right on top of a situation while it is blatantly obvious to us that the horses are way to thin they need a wake up call. They are seeing the horse everyday or therabouts and while it may sound weird they may not actually see what is really there. ALso have they got thick winter coats? or is it already thinning out for the summer. ( not sure of your specific area and whatnot is why i ask). I know its weird to say but sometimes the best thing you can do is look the person in the eye and say " I'm not tryin to be rude or insult but aren't they a might skinny? " Also factor inwhile your older fella may be keeping weight on some don't hold their weight up very well. No clue how many she hasor anything.
Then again,,, I tend to be overly blunt. Better to let her know and offer to help so that no one gets her in major trouble. Just let herknow you don't want to see her get into trouble for the horses.
If she gets mad at you let her know it was for her and tehhorses that you told her. Its hard to see a situation when you are right on top of it. Sometimes that outside view from someone you know is best.
Posted 2007-02-27 11:46 PM (#56459 - in reply to #55938) Subject: RE: How do I tell a friend her horses are too thin?
Veteran
Posts: 189 Location: nashville, In.
You said she had hay and feed, but, is it the right hay and feed for senior horses? You can pour all the feed you want to into a horse, but if its not utilizing it, it does no good. How are their teeth? Do they need floated? Does the horse need a probiotic(sp) to help with digestion? There is more that you need to look at than, "Are they getting fed?"
Posted 2007-03-03 3:44 AM (#56654 - in reply to #55938) Subject: RE: How do I tell a friend her horses are too thin?
Location: Del Mar, CA
After reading all the suggestions here, the thing that comes to mind is that, if you get too assertive you risk ruining the tentative friendship, which could probably happen very easily. If you are not in the picture, you can't help at all. Better to be tactful and look for opportunities to help or say something at the right moment, work your way into her trust and you might find more ways to help her and her horses. Sometimes when people see only their own horses for so long they don't notice the slow change in weight and it seems normal to them. Also, when someone is going through personal problems, denial can make them blind to some things. Sounds like you have a good heart and she'll begin to see that. good luck :)
How do I tell a friend her horses are too thin?
