Posted 2005-10-24 10:28 PM (#32266 - in reply to #32101) Subject: RE: Spouses who hate Horses..Do you have one??
Extreme Veteran
Posts: 322 Location: Fort Madison, Iowa
My husband is a non horse person but supports my habit. I can't remember a time when I didn't have a horse and that's how my husband found me. Sure he still complains when he's putting three loads of hay in the barn in 90 degree weather and fixing fences. He'll complain sometimes about having to do it for the horses and I'll remind him it's not for the horses but for me and that's what he gets for the pleasure of being married to me.
I think there's more than one issue here and your wife not liking horses isn't the biggest. Your wife is jealous of the time you spend with them and not her. There's also a power and control issue and your wife not having a life of her own or hobbies creates another issue. She's also probably lonely.
It took me a long time to realize in my marriage that my husband neeeeeds his time to himself and when he's out hunting or fishing he comes home happy which makes us both happy.
Make sure you spend quality time with your spouse and try to get her involved. My mom never rode horses but still enjoyed the camping part and the great people you meet involved with horses. If she doesn't get involved with horses try to get her involved with something else that would give her a hobby. Encourage her to spend time with friends. Take her out to eat once a week.
There's a lot of give and take in a marriage. I spend one week a year on a horse camping/riding vacation and my husband will take vacation hunting. Sure I'd much rather have him with me on vacation but at least he doesn't stop me from doing something I love nor do I try to stop him for hunting.
Just this last weekend I asked my husband "who is cooking supper tonight?" and he said "I'm hunting" and I said "I'm going riding" then he said "at least we're both getting to do what we like to do" so chili in the crockpot it was.
Just remember you always have a choice and it takes two to make a marriage work. Good Luck!
Posted 2005-10-24 10:44 PM (#32267 - in reply to #32101) Subject: RE: Spouses who hate Horses..Do you have one??
Location: KY
Farmbabe made the suggestion to see a counselor and I think that too. Something is wrong at the base of the relationship and the sooner addressed the better. And divorce is not the worst thing that can happen to a child. There are several good self help books on the subject of divorce....one of which is "The Complete Idiot's Guide to Survivng Divorce" and it has a check list at the front to help you analyze whether the marriage can (or should be) saved. If your wife will not go to a therapist, then go yourself. Good luck.
Posted 2005-10-29 5:52 PM (#32495 - in reply to #32101) Subject: RE: Spouses who hate Horses..Do you have one??
Regular
Posts: 80 Location: Grabiteville,sc
Ok i saw where it was said that buck seems to be puttin his horses first. I'm sorry but it doesn't seem that way to me. I am a horse nut to the core and my husband has always known this. Bucks wife knew he loved horses prior to marrying him. They were a part of him when she met him and if she disliked it so much then she should have said so waaaayyyy sooner. As far as her having no hobbies except lifetime well it happens. Its hard as a mother and a wife to make time for yourself to have hobbies outside the home. I have 4 kids and money is tight. We no longer have any horses due to finances. I made that choice for my family. Had i chose to keep the horses at the risk of my families welfare it would be a matter of puttin the horses first. Now all the advice i can give you Buck is to include your wife a little more often into your plans. Take her out and find something you both like to do. She may just be lonely as sin and wanting more attention from you. I went that route with my husband because i was jealous that he had friends and i never got the chance to make any. After the horses were gone i won't lie i was unhappy and resentful everytime i saw him having fun with his friends because i didn't have any anymore. I wanted him all to myself so i would have someone to talk to beyond a conversation of "Mommy I'm hungy, I gotta pee, I'm thirsty, He hit me , etc etc...". All I can say is sit down and have a long talk with your wife and find out exactly why she resents the horses. Maybe just maybe she is jealous of the time you spend with them instead of her. How many horses do you have? Perhaps having fewer and spending more time with her woud be a midpoint you two could reach. I mean lets face it horses are time consuming even though they are worth it. Have her help you decide which ones to keep. Get her out with them not neccasarily to ride or work at all. Encourage her if nothing else just to smell ones nose just once they have the most amazing soft leather smell. All aside as far her not taking care of them while you are away i can kind of see that I mean its your hobby although it wouldn't hurt her one bit to go out and feed them. As far as her refusing to feed the dogs thats another story. I mean if all you have is one or two dogs and not a hunting pack there is no reason she cannot take 10 minutes out of the day to feed and water them. Think about some counseling it may put both your views into better perspective for both of you. All I can really say is talk talk talk and talk some more about you and her. ( I know its hard to not talk about horses,...lmao standing joke with my husband is I cannot talk without sayin something about a horse..lol) Anyways best of luck. Now is teh time to make your decision as to how much you love your wife. Marriage is full of sacrifices but they are only a sacrifice if the love isn't strong enough. I gave up my dreams for my husband and i resented it for a long time but I can honestly say it has been well worth it. Perhaps yuo should think about what she may have given up when she decided to get married to you as well. Maybe she has dreams that will never happen now and resents yuo having the option to actually do yours. Well I'm gonna shut up for now best of luck.
Posted 2005-11-05 6:45 PM (#32724 - in reply to #32101) Subject: RE: Spouses who hate Horses..Do you have one??
Veteran
Posts: 171 Location: Liberty Hill Texas
I am a kinda horse person. However my wife is a horse nut. I like to hunt and if I ride I want to be well mounted. So we got me a great horse and she has a geed horse and we do the horse togather. However I still got my hunting habit and she has stopped mentioning all the money we spent the 3 years I fished as a pro. So in the end it will all wash out.
I think if she is just sitting at hime watching lifetime. (assolutly the man hatting channel) then she my be over whelmed by being married and having a kid. I suggest you sit down and talk to a neutral party about the problem. It maybe something as simple as she is feeling overwhelmed. I could never have my wife pay someone to feed the animals while I was off an home.
Posted 2005-11-18 8:42 AM (#33207 - in reply to #33069) Subject: RE: Spouses who hate Horses..Do you have one??
Expert
Posts: 2689
Ahh, an "Equine Envy" topic.
(-:
Seriously, I'd guess this to be just a symptom.
There are other sides to these equations; dissimilar interests, (lack of)motivation to share/accommodate each other's pastimes, on and on... including the j_word
I'd find it VERY difficult to breeze in after a work day and cheerily ask what the high point of the day was on the man hater tv channel {or Oprah, judge somebody, etc.}
OTOH, what was the high point of picking out the stalls ?
Spouses who hate Horses..Do you have one??
